


top 10 worst pet names

by Eskarina



Series: Kuroken Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, I want to reiterate wasp stings and hickeys do NOT look alike, Kenma at his own feelings: I am looking away. I do not see it, KuroKen Week 2020, M/M, Nekoma being clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eskarina/pseuds/Eskarina
Summary: Kuroo has the decency to look confused, but Yaku seems to have made up his mind. “Tell me you two aren’t actually dating.”Stunned silence fills the room. Finally, Kenma thinks, he can actually get a word in and clear up the situation. He opens his mouth to speak when he catches Kuroo’s sleazy grin in the corner of his eye, and his blood runs cold.Alternatively: What if your team was too stupid to tell the difference between a wasp sting and a hickey and your best friend thought that was the perfect prank opportunity?
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Kuroken Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701121
Comments: 77
Kudos: 1148
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics, Recommended KuroKen Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> written for Kuroken week Day 6 (fake dating)... okay I'm aware this is late but please bear with me I'm booboo the fool who doesn't know how long it takes me to write things

„ _Hey_ ,“ Kenma hisses at the wasp buzzing dangerously close to his face and instinctively bats a hand at it.

“Kenma, stop,” Kuroo groans, dragging a hand over his face. “You’re going to make it mad. Just stand still and it’ll go away.”

“It already seems pretty mad and I didn’t even do anything.”

They’re on their way home from practice and the wasp has been following Kenma for the better part of five minutes now. He assumes it’s got a personal vendetta against him, because he really didn’t do anything to piss it off in the first place.

Kuroo sighs. “You’re swatting at it. That’s doing something.”

Kenma flinches when the wasp buzzes past his eyes and bats at it again. “I don’t deserve this,” he mumbles, and starts walking faster, a futile attempt at getting away from the cursed thing. Kuroo hurries after him.

“Just stay calm!”

The wasp seems angry enough now, following Kenma just as fast, and Kenma panics. He’s not proud of it, but wasps and him have never gotten along, and they seem to have it out for him every summer.

“Get away from me!” Kenma yelps and swats at the wasp several times, which seems to be the final straw. It dodges his flailing hands and settles on his neck. “Ow, fuck.”

The wasp buzzes off into the distance unpunished as Kenma stands there, tenderly prodding at his neck in defeat.

Kuroo catches up to him and looks down at Kenma with a disapproving frown. “I told you to stop batting at it. We go through this every summer.” He sighs, seemingly taking pity on Kenma. “Come on, we have cooling gel at my place.”

Kenma pouts at being scolded, but follows Kuroo obediently.

-

“You really have to stop hitting everything that comes near you,” Kuroo sighs as he dabs cooling gel on Kenma’s neck. “If you get a sting on your hands again and can’t play, I’m making you run extra rounds.”

“It’s not my fault they keep coming for me,” Kenma says with a frown. The sting doesn’t particularly hurt, but it’s bright red and starting to go numb.

“Good thing you’re not allergic, just resistant to learning from your past mistakes.” Kuroo grins down at him, any amount of worry from before replaced by amusement at Kenma’s expense.

“Okay, I get it.” Kenma turns away before Kuroo removes his hand, resulting in a smear of cooling gel across the back of his neck. “I’m going to play Animal Crossing.” He walks off to Kuroo’s room to hijack his TV before Kuroo can get to it, a small victory in the face of today’s events.

-

They’re changing in the locker room after practice, Kenma already thinking about the nap he’ll take when he gets home, when Yaku gasps next to him.

“Kenma, what the hell? Is that a hickey?”

Kenma frowns in confusion until he realizes Yaku is pointing at the wasp sting from yesterday. He keeps himself from asking whether Yaku has never seen a wasp sting before, and opens his mouth to answer.

“Kenma has a hickey?!” Tora shrieks behind him, causing Kenma to flinch involuntarily.

He breathes deeply as he closes his locker as gently as possible, trying to keep his composure. “It’s not-“

“Kenma, you have a girlfriend?” Shibayama asks, like Kenma pulled off some amazing feat.

Kenma sighs, feeling worn out. Practice in today’s heat was grueling. On a good day, his team is barely manageable, and today has not been a good day. He turns to Shibayama, trying to answer for a third time. “No, it’s-“

“What the hell, how does Kenma have a girlfriend and I don’t?!” Tora yells, apparently going through all five stages of grief in the span of seconds, and Kenma feels his brows draw together and his nose scrunch up involuntarily. He won’t yell at his teammates over something stupid like this. He’s above that.

Kuroo is sitting collapsed on the bench next to where Kenma is standing, shaking with how hard he’s trying to hold back his laughter and not making any attempts to help Kenma out. Kenma glares at him, which only serves to make Kuroo shake harder.

“You think this is funny?” Yaku hisses at Kuroo, who flinches at getting caught. “If Kenma starts neglecting club duties because of a relationship, we’ll be in some serious trouble!”

Kuroo’s resolve breaks and he bursts out laughing, bending over and holding his stomach. “Kenma doesn’t-“ he wheezes, words failing him as he tries to talk through fits of laughter. “Kenma doesn’t have a girlfriend,” he finally manages to choke out, and Kenma would feel thankful if Kuroo wasn’t laughing at his misery right now.

Yaku looks confused for a moment, then his eyebrows draw together in a frown. “A boyfriend isn’t any better! If anything, it’s worse! You know how much attention guys need!”

Kenma lets himself sink down on the bench, defeated. “ _You’re all so stupid_ ,” he wants to say, or maybe “ _wasp stings and hickeys don’t even look alike_ ,” but before he can get a word out, Yaku continues.

“You out of all people should be concerned about this!” he points at Kuroo, who has been rendered unable to speak, wheezing and wiping his eyes. “You’re the captain! Talk some sense into him!”

The door opens and Lev walks in. “I heard yelling. Who has a boyfriend?”

“Kenma does!” Tora yells and points at Kenma accusingly, who has never felt this wronged in his entire life.

“Oh,” Lev says and smiles at him cheerfully. “Congratulations.”

Kenma buries his face in his hands while Kuroo dissolves in another fit of shaky laughter next to him.

“What’s Kuroo laughing about?” Lev asks, perplexed.

“That’s what I want to know,” Yaku snaps, shoving his clothes into his bag with a lot more force than necessary.

Kenma looks up at him, trying to convey some sort of plea for understanding with his eyes, because using words has failed every single time so far. Yaku looks back at him, and for a blissful moment Kenma thinks he’s getting through to him, but then Yaku looks at Kuroo, who is still wiping his eyes, and something in his expression changes.

“Oh,” he whispers, voice terrified. “Oh no. Not you two.”

Kuroo has the decency to look confused, but Yaku seems to have made up his mind. “Tell me you two aren’t actually dating.”

Stunned silence fills the room. Finally, Kenma thinks, he can actually get a word in and clear up the situation. He’s thoroughly fed up, wanting nothing more than to go home and fall into a blissful sleep. He opens his mouth to speak when he catches Kuroo’s sleazy grin in the corner of his eye, and his blood runs cold.

“Well,” Kuroo says and slowly drapes an arm over Kenma’s shoulders. “I guess you figured it out.”

Kenma closes his eyes, wishing the wasp had finished the job and taken him out. He knows better than to try and stop one of Kuroo’s stupid pranks once they’ve started. Kuroo will just double down and go to extensive lengths to prove something, and that feels like the last thing Kenma needs right now.

Yaku sinks down to the bench. “Two of our key players… the club will fall apart once they start fighting…” There’s none of the previous energy in his voice, and he actually looks a bit like he’s about to cry.

“There, there,” Lev says, patting Yaku’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure it will be fine. Why would they fight?” He turns to Kenma and Kuroo and beams at them with all the confidence of an oblivious child. “Congratulations. You two make a great couple!”

-

As soon as the others are out of sight on their walk home, Kuroo dissolves into a series of barely suppressed giggles. Kenma sighs when the gravity of the whole stupid situation starts to sink in.

“I hope you’re happy. This might be your worst prank yet,” he says, throwing Kuroo a reproachful look.

“Come on, they basically pranked themselves! Serves them right for assuming things. If anything, this will be a teaching moment for the team,” Kuroo says and smiles, more self-satisfied than he has any right to be.

“You’re talking like I’ve already agreed to any of this.” Kenma frowns at him. “I don’t even know what you’re planning.”

Kuroo looks up at the bright blue sky and hums. “Well, not like I put a lot of thought in it, either. I just want to make them suffer for a few days until they’ve learned their lesson.”

“You know that doesn’t really answer my question, right?”

“Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. We’ll pretend to be a couple for as long as it takes to annoy the hell out of Yaku and Tora, and then we’ll laugh at them when we tell them it was all a big joke. I guess we have to do some PDA, or they’ll become suspicious. Nothing extreme, though, we don’t want to get kicked out of school.”

“You’re forgetting I still haven’t agreed to anything,” Kenma says and narrows his eyes at Kuroo, who answers with his best wounded puppy face that Kenma unfortunately finds himself extremely susceptible to.

“I know you want to get them back for interrupting you three times in a row,” Kuroo says and winks, which Kenma also finds himself oddly susceptible to.

He sighs and lets the thought run through his head for a moment. Acting like a couple with Kuroo doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. They’d have to hold hands and do whatever stuff couples do, and something about that seems pretty appealing to Kenma. Besides, Kenma hates being interrupted.

“This is an awful idea. But fine,” he finally says, barely believing the words that exit his mouth.

Kuroo grins at him, and Kenma feels like he’s just made a deal with the devil, but can’t help the amused smile that sneaks itself onto his face. “I want pie as compensation, though. And tea.” 

“Isn’t that a bit excessive?”

“Are you trying to be a bad boyfriend?” Kenma raises his eyebrows and fixates Kuroo with a disapproving look.

Kuroo pouts, looking honestly offended. “Fine. You’ll get your pie, you little devil.”

-

When they sit at lunch the next day, and Kuroo dramatically drapes an arm over Kenma’s shoulders, Kenma leans into him slightly, observing the reactions at their table. Lev and Shibayama are too preoccupied with their food to pay them any notice, but Tora pointedly stares out of the window and Yaku prods his rice with a conflicted expression before looking up at them.

“I… I guess I owe you guys an apology,” he says reluctantly. Both Kenma and Kuroo look up in surprise.

“Yesterday, I guess I came across as pretty unsupportive. And I just wanted to say, I didn’t mean to. If you guys are happy, then I’m happy. Just-“

“It won’t interfere with the club,” Kuroo sighs. “Seriously, stop worrying about that. Thank you, though. It means a lot.” He smiles and underlines his words with a squeeze to Kenma’s shoulder.

Kuroo looks so sincere when he says it that Kenma almost starts laughing, but he manages to control himself and just nods, agreeing with his fake boyfriend. Kuroo reaches out to steal one of Kenma’s onigiri, and Kenma doesn’t bat his hand away for the first time since they entered high school.

They spend the entirety of lunch practically glued together, and by the time they have to get back to class, Kenma’s right side feels entirely too warm from leaning against Kuroo. It’s not an unpleasant feeling, though, and he finds himself missing it a little bit when they detach. He goes back to class with a strange, fuzzy feeling in his chest.

They act normal during practice, because having either one of their coaches catch on to what they’re doing could put them at serious risk of dismemberment, but Kuroo pointedly grabs Kenma’s hand when they walk out of the gym in the evening. The sun is just starting to set, dyeing the sky orange and pink and making Kuroo’s skin look like it’s glowing while the light breeze ruffles his hair.

They wave goodbye to their teammates with their hands intertwined and round the first corner on their way before Kuroo slowly lets go of Kenma’s hand and turns to grin at him. Kenma’s hand feels oddly empty, but he ignores whatever that might mean and turns to look at Kuroo.

“So? Happy?”

“You have no idea. Hearing Yaku apologize like that was so funny, I almost lost it right there.” Kuroo chuckles at the thought.

“That’s evil,” Kenma says, tilting his head up to take in the colours of the sunset. “He looked so sincere, I honestly feel a little bad.”

Kuroo hums, lost in thought. “I guess you’re right. None of them looked like they were suffering at all. Maybe we weren’t obnoxious enough.” It sounds a little bit like a threat and Kenma looks at Kuroo, feeling wary.

“What are you planning?” Kenma asks, unsure whether he even wants to hear the answer.

“I’m feeding you lunch tomorrow,” Kuroo says and grins down at him.

“You’re not.”

“I definitely am.”

Kenma groans, already feeling the impending embarrassment. “You don’t have any better ideas?”

“I’m also introducing pet names.”

“No way.” The thought alone makes Kenma cringe. He’s always found pet names to be uncomfortable, and the prospect of having to endure them in front of everyone at their lunch table is daunting.

“Definitely,” Kuroo says with a smug voice.

“I’ll hit you.”

“Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend?” Kuroo pouts and Kenma rolls his eyes, deciding not to answer.

He takes a moment to weigh his options. He could call off the entire stunt if Kuroo annoys him too much, but Kuroo’s wounded puppy face flits across his mind, so he abandons that thought. Instead, he just slips his bag off his shoulder and thrusts it into Kuroo’s hands.

“Fine. But you’re carrying my stuff from now on. Increased payment for increased service.”

“If you’re the one getting lunch fed to you, aren’t you the one getting increased-“ Kuroo cuts himself off when Kenma glares at him and shoulders Kenma’s bag with a gentlemanly smile. “Well. Anything for my very sweet boyfriend.”

-

When Kuroo feeds Kenma one of his own egg rolls at lunch the next day, Tora looks at them like his life is crashing down around him. Yaku looks appalled, and even Shibayama, who has been nothing but polite smiles so far, cringes in his chair.

Kenma glances up at Kuroo and smiles, leaning a little closer. Kuroo manages to actually blush, and Kenma can’t help but commend his acting ability. Kuroo smiles back and ruffles Kenma’s hair, which feels nice, so Kenma rewards him by transferring another egg roll from his own bento to Kuroo’s.

“Okay, you guys are-“ Yaku starts, “so sweet!” Lev finishes, beaming at the both of them with sparkling eyes.

“I was going for disgusting,” Yaku sighs and drags a hand over his face. “Can you go back to dating in secret? You were much more bearable that way.”

Tora stares at Kuroo’s arm over Kenma’s shoulder with a dejected expression. “You know, some of us here are very lonely. Flaunting how happy you are is just cruel,” he says and listlessly picks up some rice only to drop it again.

“We’re so sorry,” Kuroo says, sounding not sorry at all. “It’s just so nice that we don’t have to hide it anymore, you know? Right, honey?” He squeezes Kenma’s shoulder, who flushes at the pet name.

Kenma hates pet names, and Kuroo knows that, so he’s doing this at least in part to mess with Kenma. However, Kenma decides, two can play this game. He’s going to make Kuroo at least as flustered, if not more. When it comes to messing with people, Kenma considers himself to be somewhat of a master.

After lunch, when they’re about to part ways for class, Kenma decides it’s time to strike. Kuroo is difficult to embarrass, but Kenma has the element of surprise on his side.

“Kuroo, you coming?” Yaku asks, looking back at Kuroo who is facing Kenma to say goodbye. Kenma only has a few seconds before it’s too late, so he throws caution to the wind, leans up and very briefly presses a kiss to Kuroo’s cheek.

“See you at practice,” he says and walks off, ignoring Yaku’s groan, Kuroo’s shocked expression and the blush spreading across his own cheeks. It’s not like they’ve never given each other cheek kisses before, they used to do it all the time as children, but it definitely feels different now. Kenma wonders idly if he really did get Kuroo back for earlier or if he just made himself more flustered.

-

They walk out of practice hand in hand just like they did the day before, but something about that feels different, too. Kuroo’s hand is a warm source of comfort, and Kenma can’t help but notice that their fingers fit together perfectly, interlacing like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It makes his heart beat a little faster and a nagging voice in the back of his mind tells him that there’s something off about that, but he decides not to listen.

They wave goodbye to their teammates and walk in comfortable silence for a good while until Kenma notices that Kuroo is still holding his hand. He decides not to comment on it, because chances are Kuroo would let go then, and that’s somehow the last thing he wants right now. 

“Today was good,” Kuroo finally says while looking straight ahead and swinging their interlaced hands. “I particularly liked Yaku’s look of abject terror. Thanks for the kiss by the way, you really surprised me there.”

Kuroo turns to grin at Kenma, and something about the way he says it fills Kenma with a sudden burst of warmth. Or maybe it’s just the memory of kissing Kuroo that makes him feel that way. He clears his throat.

“That’s what you get for calling me honey.”

“Oh? If that’s the case, you better get ready for what I’m calling you tomorrow.”

Kenma groans, but finds he doesn’t have it in himself to protest. Kuroo is still holding his hand, and neither of them comment on it.

It doesn’t hit Kenma until later when he’s home that Kuroo directly implied he wanted Kenma to kiss him again. The thought makes his heart burn with an odd feeling, and that voice from before is telling him that he should take a step back and reevaluate something about the situation, but he ignores it and starts up his PC to bury his head in video games for the rest of the day.

-

“How’s my favorite boyfriend doing today?” Kuroo greets him the next morning, holding out a hand for Kenma’s bag with a bright smile. Kenma is momentarily taken aback, and he doesn’t know whether that’s because of Kuroo’s admittedly dazzling smile or because he seems way happier about carrying Kenma’s stuff than he should be.

On their way to school, Kenma feels oddly cheerful, at least a lot more so than he usually is in the morning. He listens to Kuroo chattering about a new practice regimen he wants to try, and doesn’t even feel like complaining when Kuroo implies they’ll be increasing their running distance. It’s definitely odd, but he’ll take any good mood he can get.

It carries him all the way to lunch, when Kuroo waves at him from their shared table. “Over here, baby boy!”

Kenma’s good mood comes crashing down around him as he rushes over to clap a hand over Kuroo’s mouth with a bright red face.

“You’re going to regret that,” he whispers while sliding into his seat next to Kuroo. Kuroo just grins and drapes an arm around Kenma’s shoulders like he’s done the past two days. Kenma finds himself instinctively scooting closer, leaning into Kuroo’s warmth.

Tora groans. “There you go again with your lovey-dovey bullshit. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re just trying to make us lonely men suffer.”

“Isn’t it way too hot to sit that close, anyway? You guys are making me uncomfortable just from looking at you,” Yaku says with a frown. Kuroo pulls Kenma a little closer and smiles with fake innocence.

“I’d endure all levels of hellish temperature to be closer to my sweet cupcake.”

Yaku gags, and the rest of the table, except for Lev, mirrors the sentiment. Kenma covers his burning face with both hands, trying to breathe deeply in order to keep himself from knocking Kuroo out. Honey was something he could deal with. It was safe. A normal nickname people use for each other all the time. This, however, is definitely going too far.

Kenma decides to show his disdain by ignoring Kuroo for the entire duration of lunch. That is, as much as you can ignore someone who is cuddling you, feeding you and generally fawning over you. It feels nice. Yaku was right, it should be way too hot to comfortably sit this close, but Kenma doesn’t want to move away. Still, he acts like he’s at least a little annoyed at Kuroo until they have to go back to class.

The hallway is emptying out quickly when they reach the intersection where their ways part. “I’m gonna go ahead,” Yaku says and keeps walking without sparing them another glance.

Kenma narrows his eyes. He’s still decidedly pretending to be mad at Kuroo. “See you at practice,” he says, and turns to walk away.

Kuroo grabs his hand. “Hey, where’s my kiss?”

“You called me cupcake,” Kenma hisses and ignores the fact that they’re sounding like an actual couple having a stupid argument.

“You kissed me for calling you honey,” Kuroo says, pouting. A door closes further down the hallway.

“Different pet names warrant different reactions.”

Kuroo hums, like he’s thinking about something. “Fine, I’ll just come get it myself.” He takes a step closer to Kenma. The hallway is deserted by now, which probably means they’re both late for class, even though Kenma can’t remember the bell ringing. Kuroo is close. Kenma’s heart skips a beat, and then Kuroo leans down and presses his lips against Kenma’s. It only lasts a second or so, nothing more than an innocent peck, but Kenma feels himself flush immediately.

Kuroo looks pretty shocked by his own actions, like he’s about to panic and apologize profusely. Which Kenma doesn’t want, because that would imply that kissing isn’t okay, and out of some reason he finds that he really doesn’t want Kuroo to think that.

Unfortunately, Kenma has never been good with words, but Kuroo tends to understand him regardless. So he gives Kuroo a tiny smile, the biggest one he can manage with how numb his face currently feels, and squeezes his hand briefly.

“See you at practice,” he says again and turns to quickly walk down the hallway, because something in the way Kuroo is looking at him makes Kenma feel like he’s about to burn up if he stays any longer.

He tries his best not to think about the kiss in class, but finds his mind involuntarily replaying it over and over, his heart throbbing pointlessly in his chest. It was just a kiss. They’re supposed to act like boyfriends, so of course they have to kiss every now and then. Kenma should have expected that. He sighs and tries, for what feels like the tenth time, to focus on his Geography lesson.

When they meet again for practice, both of them act like nothing happened, which feels oddly comforting to Kenma. Kuroo yells at him for slacking off while running, and Kenma laughs at Kuroo for spiking a ball into the net. It’s their usual routine, nothing out of the ordinary, and Kenma loves every minute of it. 

It's almost dark out when they walk out of their gym with their hands intertwined, the sky a beautiful dusky blue. Kenma looks up, absent-mindedly trying to look for the moon between the trees. He only registers they forgot to wave goodbye to their teammates when they’re already several minutes into the walk.

He glances over at Kuroo, who looks lost in thought. Kenma considers asking if everything is alright, but he’s somehow afraid of breaking the silence. Kuroo turns to look at him though, like he felt Kenma’s stare, and Kenma feels like a deer caught in the headlights. The street lamps illuminate Kuroo’s face with a warm glow and make his eyes shine brightly. Before he can suppress the thought, Kenma wonders if Kuroo has always been this beautiful.

“Sorry about earlier,” Kuroo says, averting his gaze. His voice isn’t quiet, but it’s lacking the confidence he usually speaks with. “I wasn’t really thinking. I should have asked if you were okay with that.”

“It’s okay,” Kenma murmurs, because it is. That voice at the back of his mind yells at him to examine why he’s so okay with being kissed by Kuroo, but he shuts it down. “I’m fine with it.”

“Oh,” Kuroo says, awkwardly. “That’s good, then.”

Kuroo walks Kenma all the way to his front door, and for a moment Kenma thinks Kuroo might lean down and kiss him again. It’s a fleeting moment, because Kenma knows realistically there’s no reason for Kuroo to kiss him if it’s not in front of an audience for the prank they’re playing on their teammates.

Kuroo lets go of his hand and pats him on the shoulder in a way that feels entirely too impersonal. “See you tomorrow,” he says, squeezes Kenma’s shoulder and walks down the street towards his own house.

Kenma realizes belatedly, as he unlocks the door, that they didn’t have an audience in the hallway at school either. He doesn’t know what to do with that information, so he decides to shove it into the back of his mind and not think about anything for the rest of the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but also thank you for checking back in ❤️

Not thinking works well enough until Kenma’s phone rings at 10 am the next morning, pulling him from a convoluted dream about their upcoming training camp, Hinata and Bokuto forcing him to toss to them for hours on end while Kuroo laughs in the distance.

“Kuro. It’s Saturday,” he groans as a substitute for a greeting.

“Rise and shine, bed bug! I got you the pie you wanted,” Kuroo says, sounding far too energized for the time of day.

Kenma sighs. “It’s way too early for this. Did you just call me bed bug?” he asks, squinting at the sunlight streaming in through his window and cursing himself for not closing the blinds before he went to bed.

“Give me a break,” Kuroo says with an exasperated tone. “You miss half the day when I let you sleep.”

“I make that time back at night,” Kenma murmurs, grip on his phone loosening as he drifts dangerously close to the edge of sleep.

“Stop falling back asleep. I got you pie right in the morning when it’s still fresh, and I’m in the middle of making tea. So come over and have breakfast with your boyfriend.”

The word stuns Kenma out of his comfortable daze, and he suddenly finds himself wide awake. He clears his throat. “Fine. Fine, I’m coming over.”

He gets dressed and brushes his teeth in record time, walks over to Kuroo’s place and lets himself in with the spare key he’s had for years.

“You’re late,” Kuroo greets him from the kitchen.

“You’re lucky I’m here at all,” Kenma answers with a demonstrative yawn as he pads into the kitchen, where Kuroo has already finished setting the table.

“I didn’t walk all the way to your favorite bakery for that attitude,” Kuroo says, pouting at Kenma, who immediately feels guilty. Kuroo’s wounded puppy face might be his number one weakness.

“Fine. Thank you, I guess,” he says and gives Kuroo a little smile while he sits down at the table.

Kenma idly watches as Kuroo pours the both of them tea, the sun shining through the curtains, casting patterns of light over the wooden table and Kuroo’s hands as he moves. He sits down across from Kenma and smiles, a cheerful and open expression that makes Kenma’s insides heat up with a strange feeling.

He tries his best to listen to Kuroo rambling about a pro match he watched yesterday evening, but finds himself distracted by the way the sunlight catches in Kuroo’s lashes, making his eyes look like they’re sparkling. An almost cool breeze enters the room through the tilted window, rustling the curtains. Maybe it’s because Kenma is not usually up this early, but he feels like time is standing still in Kuroo’s kitchen, like they’re cut off from the rest of the world in here. Kuroo wouldn’t be the worst person to be stuck with, Kenma thinks, as he watches him dump a meticulously measured half-spoon of sugar into his steaming tea.

He ends up letting Kuroo talk him into volleyball practice in the park, even though it’s awfully hot, and going back to his place again in the afternoon to do homework. Kenma is sitting on the floor leaning against Kuroo’s bed, brooding over a history assignment. History has never been a subject he’s found particularly interesting, and now is no exception. The words are starting to blur in front of his eyes as he tries to fight back the clutches of sleep pulling at him, exhaustion from the heat making his entire body feel heavy.

He’s startled back awake when Kuroo sets down his textbook and glances over at Kenma from where he’s sprawled out on the floor.

“Hey, Kenma?” His tone is casual, but Kenma can tell Kuroo is nervous about something.

“Yeah?” Kenma meets Kuroo’s eyes, gladly taking any excuse to ignore his assignment for a minute.

Kuroo clears his throat. “When you said you were okay with me kissing you yesterday, what did you mean?”

Kenma freezes up for a moment, staring back down at his book with sudden newfound interest. He’s avoided thinking about the topic so effectively that he finds he doesn’t actually have an answer. He knows he wants to kiss Kuroo, but he’s pretty sure admitting that right now would lead to a lot more questions, so he settles on the safest answer possible.

“I meant,” he says, careful not to let any emotion show in his voice, “that I don’t mind it. If it helps with your prank.”

“Ah,” Kuroo says, also staring back down at his textbook. “Of course. Thanks.”

The silence between them stretches, and if Kenma found it hard to focus before, it’s borderline impossible now. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Kuroo uncaps and caps his highlighter, then starts tapping the book with it, not reading. He looks up as if he felt Kenma staring, and stops tapping.

“So, do you think we should, like, practice or something?”

“What?” Kenma’s voice catches in his throat.

“Practice kissing. I mean, if we’re supposed to be convincing as a couple, we should look like we’re used to it, right?” Kuroo looks pretty sincere, but he’s always been a good actor, so there’s no way for Kenma to really know what he’s thinking.

He tries to think about it, tries to weigh some pros and cons of doing maybe the stupidest thing Kuroo has come up with so far, but finds his head surprisingly empty, thoughts drowned out by a ringing in his ears.

“Okay,” he hears himself say. Kuroo seems about as surprised as Kenma feels, but recovers quickly and sits up, looking at Kenma with wide eyes.

“Like, right now?”

“Okay,” Kenma says again, actively ignoring his gut telling him that he’s about to make a grave mistake. He tends to always overthink, anyway. There’s no reason to decline, he tells himself. They’re best friends, so what’s the worst thing that could happen? It could be awkward, but then they would just laugh it off and go back to homework.

Kuroo takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he repeats after Kenma. “Okay, cool.”

He leaves his textbook lying face down and moves over to sit next to Kenma, facing him. Kenma turns his head to meet Kuroo’s eyes, but his gaze feels far too intense, so he focuses on the floor instead.

“How do you-“ Kenma starts.

“I’ll just-“ Kuroo pauses and looks like he’s about to say “okay” again, but stops himself and promptly straddles Kenma’s lap. Kenma’s heart seems to finally catch up with the situation, thumping against his ribcage in anticipation. Kuroo is incredibly close, and Kenma finds himself transfixed by his eyes.

Kuroo reaches out to tilt Kenma’s chin up. _“This is happening,”_ Kenma thinks, and then Kuroo leans in and brushes their lips together. It’s completely different from the hallway kiss, with no surprise to cloud his senses this time. Kuroo’s lips are soft, moving against Kenma’s gently. It’s almost too easy to kiss back, their pace synching up immediately, like they’ve been doing this for years.

Kenma can’t help the content sigh that escapes him when Kuroo threads his fingers through Kenma’s hair, pulling him closer. It feels right, like some ache that he didn’t even notice has finally stopped, and he finds himself smiling into the kiss involuntarily. Kuroo pulls away for a moment to return his smile, and when he leans back in, something in Kenma’s head finally clicks.

“ _You’re in love_ ,” that voice he’s been ignoring the past few days yells, loud enough to drown out the frantic heartbeat in his ears. He lifts his arms to drape them over Kuroo’s shoulders in order to keep him from breaking the kiss, because Kenma is pretty sure his current expression would give him away immediately.

When they pull apart what he assumes must be several minutes later, it feels like the world has realigned somehow. He opens his eyes to look at Kuroo, aware of his own feelings for the first time.

Kuroo is breathing heavily, cheeks flushed, his hair even more disheveled than usual from Kenma running his fingers through it. Seeing him like that makes Kenma’s mouth run dry, heat searing through his entire body, so he quickly averts his eyes back to the floor.

Still sitting in Kenma’s lap, Kuroo appears to be struggling to form words. He clears his throat. “Cool. Thanks,” he finally manages and moves off Kenma, back to his textbook. Kenma can’t help but laugh at the sudden awkwardness, making Kuroo give him an offended look.

“Don’t laugh at me. I didn’t plan that far, okay?”

“Sure. Okay. Happy to help,” Kenma says, wondering if his voice sounds as shaky as he feels.

-

Most of next week passes in a blur. They keep up the act effortlessly, but there’s a certain lingering unease that Kenma can’t quite shake. It feels a bit like impending doom, the constant awareness that what they’re doing is just an act that will end someday, probably sooner rather than later. He can’t keep himself from wondering if there’s any chance Kuroo feels the same way about him, but comes to the same conclusion every time. Kuroo is much braver than Kenma, so if he felt anything that went beyond friendship, he would have told Kenma a long time ago. Meanwhile, Kenma is a self-admitted coward, and has already made peace with taking this secret to the grave. That’s what he tells himself, anyway.

Still, he wonders if it shows in the way he holds on to Kuroo’s hand, the way he shifts closer to him whenever they’re next to each other. He wonders if he can still pass it off as an act, or if Kuroo has already figured it out and is just too nice to say anything.

When Kenma enters the locker room before Friday practice, Kuroo isn’t there. It’s strange, something that shouldn’t happen. Kuroo is usually the first one to arrive, if not because he’s just overenthusiastic about volleyball, then to tease everyone else for being late.

Kenma is just starting to unpack his bag when the door slams open and Tora stumbles in. “Kuroo is getting confessed to by some girl outside!” he yells, out of breath.

The feeling of impending doom freezes Kenma’s blood in his veins.

“The hell,” Yaku says, slamming his locker shut. “You’re kidding.”

“It’s true,” Inuoka says as he enters the room behind Tora. “They’re just around the corner from the locker room, actually. Maybe we can hear them if we open the window.”

Tora rushes over and rips open the tinted window. Humid summer air enters the room, along with a girl’s timid voice.

“…just thought you didn’t have time for a relationship, but then you started going out with Kozume-kun, so I thought, you know, before I give up and forget about you, I should at least give it a shot.”

It’s hot, but Kenma feels a shiver creeping up his spine, goosebumps rising on his skin. “I don’t need to hear this,” he groans.

Yaku looks over at him from where he’s standing by the window, trying to hear better. “I didn’t think you were the jealous type. You have nothing to worry about, right?”

“Exactly. Kuroo loves you, after all,” Lev says and gives Kenma an encouraging smile.

“It’s a no, right?” the girl asks and laughs.

“Sorry,” Kuroo says, sounding wildly uncomfortable with the situation.

“It’s okay. I just… if I had confessed before, would I have had a chance?”

A few seconds pass before Kuroo answers. “I don’t think so. It was pretty much him or nobody.”

“How cheesy,” Yaku sighs, moving away from the window back to his locker. He looks over at Kenma, who is trying to tie his shoes with shaking hands. “See? I don’t know what you were so worried about. Be a little more confident, seriously.”

“Do you think she’ll want someone to console her?” Tora asks and leans as far out of the window as possible, trying to glance around the corner.

“Maybe. But you can’t speak to girls, right? Last time you tried you mispronounced your own name,” Lev says, chuckling at the memory. Tora launches into a yelling fit, but Kenma tunes them out.

Relief is flooding his veins, but it feels like a fleeting thing. Like he just staved off the inevitable this once.

Kuroo enters the room shortly after, looking suspiciously neutral.

“You,” Tora says and points a finger at Kuroo accusingly, “are an asshole.”

Kuroo groans. “You heard that, huh? But how is it my fault someone confessed to me?”

“I don’t know. But it’s totally unfair! Leave some girls to the rest of us!”

“It’s not like you can talk to them in the first place.” Kuroo ignores Tora’s continuous yelling and turns to Kenma with an unreadable expression. He looks like he’s about to say something, but doesn’t. Kenma averts his eyes and ties a second knot into his shoelaces.

They finish practice around 6 pm, the sun hanging low on the horizon when they walk home, making the sky look like it’s glowing orange. Their hands are intertwined loosely, but Kenma feels like he’s clinging to Kuroo like a lifeline. He’s trying to play a mobile game with his free hand, making his phone shake precariously.

“You’re going to drop your phone if you keep that up,” Kuroo comments, but makes no move to let go of Kenma’s other hand.

“Hm,” Kenma says, but makes no move to stop his game.

“Kenma. Is everything okay?”

Kenma keeps his eyes focused on the game. “Yeah. Why?”

“I don’t know, you’re quiet today.” He can see Kuroo squinting at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m always quiet.”

“Yeah, but different quiet.”

Kenma considers not saying anything. Kuroo would probably let it go, and they could move on, and Kenma could continue pretending that their current situation wasn’t costing him the last of his nerves.

“Am I keeping you from actually dating someone?” The words burn in his throat when he speaks. Kuroo looks at him with wide eyes, and Kenma almost feels annoyed. He knows he’s being unreasonable and that he should shut up now, but he finds himself suddenly unable to hold back. “I mean, aren’t you wasting a good opportunity with that girl by keeping this prank up?”

Kuroo shakes his head, still looking surprised. “No. I didn’t like her back anyway, and I’m not going to just date someone for the sake of it.”

“But still-“

“Do you want to stop this?” Kuroo asks, and Kenma’s breath catches in his throat.

“I don’t mind either way,” he says, wondering if Kuroo can hear the lie in his voice.

“Well, I said we’d keep doing it until the others have learned their lesson, right? I feel like they still have some way to go, so you’re stuck with me for now.”

Kenma nods, feeling numb. “For now” rings in his mind and he feels like an idiot, holding on to something that so clearly has an expiration date.

-

Kenma flinches when his phone rings on the evening of the next day. He fumbles and messes up in the rhythm game he’s playing, cursing under his breath.

He sighs and picks up the phone without looking at the caller ID, because only one person ever calls him anyway. “What?”

“Good evening to you, too, sunshine,” Kuroo says, slightly offended.

“I messed up in Taiko because of you,” Kenma says and glares at his computer screen. The song is still playing, but he isn’t hitting the notes anymore, making the Taiko mascot look at him in disappointment.

“You’ll forgive me,” Kuroo says, sounding way too sure of himself. “Listen, I suddenly got the intense desire to rewatch Japan versus Canada from last year’s Volleyball world cup, so you have to come over.”

Kenma sighs again. “You can’t watch it by yourself?” It’s more of a rhetorical question as he closes the game, knowing full well he couldn’t even say no if he wanted to.

“You know it doesn’t work like that. We have to watch it together every time.” Kuroo sounds like he’s pouting, which works to make Kenma move faster, all the while cursing himself for being that whipped.

Kenma makes it to Kuroo’s place within three minutes, walking into his room without knocking.

“Once again, took you long enough,” Kuroo greets him from where he’s sitting on the bed. “I even made you tea, look.” He points at two steaming mugs on the low table between the bed and the small TV.

“You’re just trying to appease me for making me mess up,” Kenma says as he walks over to the bed and sits down next to Kuroo, leaving a good hand’s width of space between them.

“Yes, and I know it’s working.” Kuroo presses play on the match and scoots closer to Kenma, wrapping an arm around his waist. It’s probably just a habit by now, something they both have gotten used to over the past two weeks, but it still makes Kenma’s dumb heart jump.

About halfway through the match, Kuroo pulls Kenma even closer so they’re pressed against each other. Kuroo is warm, and Kenma can feel his chest rising and falling with every calm breath. It feels way more intimate than any of their cuddling at lunch, with nobody to make fun of them for being clingy, and Kenma thinks he might be slowly losing his mind. The match provides no real distraction either, since they’ve both seen it at least four times already.

Kuroo pulls his hand away from Kenma’s waist and settles it at the back of his neck instead, lazily tracing patterns over Kenma’s skin. The match enters the fourth set, which Kenma knows is Kuroo’s favorite. Kuroo doesn’t seem to be paying attention, though, now threading his fingers through Kenma’s hair and watching as it shines in the light.

“Hey, can I braid your hair?” Kuroo asks, already separating a few strands from each other.

Kenma squints at the TV. “Do you even know how to do that?”

“I mean, kind of. Just let me try, okay?”

“This better not make me go bald.”

Kuroo chuckles and gets to work doing god knows what with Kenma’s hair. The Japanese team scores a service ace, the crowd goes wild. Kuroo leans closer and sighs, trying to make sense of the tangled strands in his hands. Kenma regrets going along with him immediately when Kuroo’s breath ghosts over the side of his neck, the tingling sensation sending shivers down his spine. Kuroo is too close, and Kenma feels like he’s going to suffocate, the tension that has built up over the week suddenly too much to bear.

“Kuro.”

“Hmm?”

 _“I love you,”_ he wants to say. “How long are we going to keep doing this?” he says instead, already cursing himself.

Kuroo’s hands in his hair still. “What do you mean?”

“This prank thing.”

Kuroo takes a moment to answer. His hands start moving again, but it’s even more uncoordinated than before, probably tying Kenma’s hair in knots. “I mean, like I said, until the others look like they’ve learned their lesson. Until we don’t feel like doing it anymore.”

 _“I’ll never not feel like doing it anymore,”_ Kenma thinks. He can’t say it. “We should stop.”

Kuroo’s hands still again. “Oh.” A moment of silence. “Okay.” He tries to adjust the hopeless braid one last time, then lets go of Kenma’s hair abruptly and scoots a few centimeters away, so that they’re not touching anymore.

They sit in awkward silence for a few minutes. There’s a sizeable hole in Kenma’s chest that wasn’t there before, and he feels like the biggest idiot on the planet. It’s better like this, he tells himself. Better than keeping up the act and feeling even worse when Kuroo eventually calls it off.

The match goes into the fifth and final set. Nishida will save the game by scoring six service aces in a row. Kenma wants nothing more than to lean against Kuroo again. It feels stupid to miss something that wasn’t real in the first place, but some part of him wishes he hadn’t said anything. Had clung on to Kuroo for as long as possible, no matter how fake.

“Kenma? What’s wrong?”

His emotions must have been showing on his face, because Kuroo is looking at him with a concerned expression.

“Are you hurt?”

Kenma averts his eyes, shaking his head. He won’t cry over this, especially not in front of Kuroo.

“You know you can’t lie to me,” Kuroo says, half offended. “Just tell me, okay?”

Kenma’s lips tremble, his throat feeling constricted. “I can’t,” he whispers, mortified by how shaky his voice sounds.

Kuroo looks at him for a few seconds, then pulls him into a hug.

It works to break Kenma’s resolve, because suddenly his tears are falling, quiet sobs escaping him. He squeezes his eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to run away and pretend none of this ever happened.

“It’s okay,” Kuroo whispers, rubbing Kenma’s back in a way that should probably be comforting, but only makes him feel worse. He can’t breathe. This is a disaster. There’s nothing he can say to talk himself out of the situation, and he feels trapped.

“Kuroo, stop,” Kenma wheezes and pushes at Kuroo weakly, who releases him immediately and scoots back. His hurt expression shoots a pang of guilt through Kenma’s chest.

The match has ended at this point, nothing but silence and Kenma’s shaky breathing filling the room. He’s managed to stop crying, but the damage is most certainly done.

Kuroo switches off the TV and stares at the black screen. The silence stretches. Then he sighs, looking defeated. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He’s not meeting Kenma’s eyes as he speaks. “You were right, the whole thing was a stupid idea from the beginning.”

Kenma finds himself at a loss for words. Kuroo is talking like he knows about Kenma’s feelings. It saves him the pain of explaining himself, but it also means that he was more obvious than he thought, which is embarrassing. “Sorry,” he says, for lack of a better response.

Kuroo laughs softly. “Don’t apologize, that’s just gonna make me feel worse.”

The words sting, causing Kenma to glare at Kuroo defensively. “Okay, you don’t have to be mean about it.”

“What? No, I meant-“ Kuroo gestures something with his hands that Kenma should probably understand, but he currently doesn’t feel at the top of his people reading skills, so he just stares at Kuroo in confusion.

Kuroo sighs, exasperated. “Look, I know you probably figured this out a long time ago, but I’m in love with you.”

Kenma’s brain short-circuits, but Kuroo keeps talking, unaware of his condition.

“I’m an idiot. I just thought, you know, maybe if we spent more time together like this, maybe you’d come to like me back. I know it was a bad move, so I’m sorry.”

“What?” Kenma’s voice feels scratchy in his throat.

“Don’t make me repeat that, I’m embarrassed enough as it is,” Kuroo says as he drags a hand down his face. “I feel like I really messed with our friendship, and that was the last thing I wanted. I guess I wasn’t really-“

“I love you, too,” Kenma says, feeling lighter with every syllable that leaves his lips.

Kuroo looks at him with wide eyes, like the words don’t make sense to him, so Kenma kisses him. It only takes Kuroo a second to kiss back, wrapping his arms around Kenma’s shoulders. When they part, Kuroo keeps clinging to him, hugging him tightly.

Kenma blinks at the overhead light in Kuroo’s room, feeling more like he’s bathing in direct sunlight. Kuroo sighs, burying his face in Kenma’s neck.

“You mean to tell me,” he murmurs against Kenma, “that you didn’t have it figured out?”

“No. I thought you had me figured out,” Kenma says and lifts a hand to pet Kuroo’s hair.

“You’re kidding. Wasn’t I super obvious?”

“Now that you said it, I guess. I just thought you’d confess if you had feelings for me.” In any other scenario, Kenma would probably be upset about not reading Kuroo correctly, but he decides he can let it slide this once.

Kuroo snorts. “No way, and risk our friendship?”

“So you decided to rope me into a fake relationship instead?” Kenma asks, untangling his hand from Kuroo’s hair to poke his waist.

Kuroo giggles, a blessed sound that Kenma immediately decides is his new favorite. “Look, not my brightest moment, okay? But it worked,” Kuroo says, sounding smug. Kenma rolls his eyes, but can’t bring himself to disagree.

They’re silent for a long moment, Kuroo still nuzzling Kenma’s neck. “I love you,” he finally whispers, lips moving against Kenma’s skin and making him shiver. Kenma hums, and lightly tugs Kuroo up by his hair to kiss him again.

Kuroo pulls away after a few seconds, pouting. “Hey, you have to say it back every time.” His wounded puppy face is still Kenma’s number one weakness, so he gives in immediately.

“I love you, too. How often are you going to make me say it?” He tries to sound reprehensive, but can’t keep himself from smiling.

“All the time, obviously,” Kuroo says and grins. It makes Kenma’s heart swell with so much pure joy he feels like crying all over again. He decides to hide his face by hugging Kuroo again, closing his eyes.

Kuroo smells like home, and Kenma presses a soft kiss against his cheek, still smiling. “One condition, though. No more pet names.”

-

“Gentlemen, Kenma and I have an announcement to make.” Kuroo grins at their teammates, who are gathered in the locker room for Monday practice. They look up in unison, expressions wary.

“Don’t tell me you’re splitting up already,” Yaku says, sounding a lot more devastated than he probably should considering his incessant complaining over the past two weeks.

“No. Why the fuck would I be happy about that?” Kuroo narrows his eyes. “No, we’re happy to announce,” he grabs Kenma’s hand, “we’re now officially dating!”

“Okay,” Tora says slowly, “how exactly is this news?”

“Well, up until last weekend we were dating as a joke to fuck with you guys. But we talked, and now we’re dating for real!”

Silence fills the room. Kenma thinks he can hear crickets chirp outside.

“What. The fuck,” Yaku finally says as he sinks down to the bench. “You were fucking with us?”

Kuroo shrugs. “You brought it upon yourselves, to be fair.”

“But…”

“But Kenma’s hickey…” Tora supplies, a lot quieter than he usually is.

“That wasn’t a hickey, it was a wasp sting. Are you guys all actual idiots? No wonder you’re about to fail biology,” Kuroo says with a pointed look to Tora, who seems about ready to sink into the floor. “But really, we have to thank you, because you ended up bringing us together! So I’m buying you pork buns later.”

“Ohh, am I getting one, too?” Lev asks, apparently already done processing the first part of the announcement.

“Everyone is getting one. Don’t get used to it, though,” Kuroo says, letting go of Kenma’s hand to stuff his bag into his locker.

Kenma can’t help but laugh at the cheers resounding through the room. He might be surrounded by idiots, but maybe he’s just a little bit thankful to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so long to write because I kept going back and forth on whether to write smut or not. In the end the story felt so cute and innocent I couldn't bring myself to lol
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading!! Please let me know if you enjoyed it ❤️
> 
> Tumblr: [eska-rina](https://eska-rina.tumblr.com)  
> Twitter: [Eskarina69](https://twitter.com/Eskarina69)  
> 


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